Black Badge Division

Wynonna : Is this an intervention or something? Because honestly, fair enough, you know? I just, I would've appreciated a wardrobe change, maybe a heeled boot situation. Maybe no hood. Seriously, when's this thing coming off?

 

Interrogating Room

Wynonna : Ugh!

Naomi Hycha : That is bright. Can you dim those lights, please? I mean, where we, at the dentist?

Wynonna : I don't know. Are we?

Naomi Hycha : I'm Deputy Assistant Director Naomi Hycha. Oh! I also love me a "py-jam-jam".

Wynonna : Black Badge? Does that mean Black Badge is...

Naomi Hycha : No longer defunct.

Wynonna : Well, you brought the noise, I guess it makes sense you're bringing in defunct.

Naomi Hycha : Oh, right… Sorry about the whole extraordinary rendition jam. Here let me, uh, is that...

Wynonna : It's on the other… Just give me it.

Naomi Hycha : Okay.bWell, we are psyched to have you back.

Wynonna : I am not back! I am in my jam-jams!

Naomi Hycha : Okay.bBabe, dial it back a notch. We're on the same team, here. You're just... You're just late to the party. But we need every employee, no matter how minor, Agent… Agent Arp.

Wynonna : Jeremy? Oh, my God! Hey… Ay-ay-ay-ay! What happened to your gorgeous little chicken limbs?

Jeremy : And a fond hi, former colleague. Naomi, so sorry, I know her. This is the Wynonna Arp.

Wynonna : Uh... Why does everybody keep saying it like that?

Jeremy : Employee of the Month, June 2016.

Wynonna : Uh... It was February, actually.

Naomi Hycha : Oh, so the shortest month? Mm-hmm.

Jeremy : Don't worry. Wynonna hates demons. Like we all do.

Wynonna : Hell yeah, brother. Pfft… Despise them deems.

Jeremy : But she's never killed one, of course.

Wynonna : Nope. No. 'Cause they are a lot.

Jeremy : Yeah.

Naomi Hycha : Yeah. But you are familiar with the supernatural?

Wynonna : I feel like I can handle it.

 

Homestead

Nicole : You could just start?

Waverly : But my Powerpoint!

Nicole : They're always iconic.

Waverly : I do put a lot of thought into my wipes.

Nicole : I love your wipes. And I love that you got us all notebooks, and...

Waverly : Where's Wynonna and Doc?

Nicole : Oh, well, they're probably off doing... something like that. Meanwhile I... I came early because I am pumped for your presentation. We've got a whack of questions. Like… who's Cleo?

Waverly : Yeah. Who's Holt?

Nicole : What's with the border?

Waverly : Why so many demons!

Nicole : What's for dinner?

Waverly : Tacos!

Nicole : Delicious. And what the hell happened to Peacemaker? Oh!

Rachel : Well, look who decided to show her face. And in Wynonna's jacket? Oh. Looks better on me.

Waverly : Never say that to her.

Nicole : So, Rachel, we were talking about Wynonna's magic gun. Sword. Uh… What? She lives with us. She's gonna find out a lot worse. Here.

Waverly : No, no, hers is the blue one.

Nicole : Okay, okay.

Rachel : I'm actually about to bounce? But... I've been here 18 months, so I get ya. I'll keep an eye out for... a gun-sword.

Nicole : Baby, I'm sorry nobody's here.

Waverly : You're sorry we're alone in the house?

Nicole : Oh. No, not that.

 

Interrogating Room

Naomi Hycha : For the government, it's unprecedented. It's a chance to observe humans and demons, co-existing together in one controlled and contained ecosystem.

Wynonna : You put a border around the Ghost River Triangle, you control who comes in and out.

Naomi Hycha : Demons, for the most part. Ooh! Don't want them to get out. Ever.

Jeremy : Deputy Assistant Director Hycha and the others were called here after the unexplained event 18 months ago.

Naomi Hycha : We arrived after it all went down. Of course, Agent Chetri had already been in Purgatory.

Jeremy : Mm-hmm.

Naomi Hycha : But the new mandate is to observe. Not to interfere.

Wynonna : I felt pretty interfered with last night when I was snatched from my barn bed.

Naomi Hycha : Well, when we go into demon territory, we do it with oomph.

Wynonna : So, Naomi, before this, you were, what, at Roswell, wrist-deep in alien sphincter I suppose?

Naomi Hycha : Oh, I was... I was… I was transferred here from the Department of Fisheries. The Black Badge Division had been dissolved and they were desperate for volunteers.

Jeremy : My supervisor was the envoy to Belize. He's gonna teach me how to surf.

Naomi Hycha : Listen… I once lost a guy to E. Coli after undercooked perch at the annual fry-up. But he was back after a week. He'd, uh, he'd thinned out around the face, he actually looked really great. But at BBD? Twelve deaths so far. You can't know what it's like to lose someone until it happens. Ooh! But if it sweetens the pot, we have really cool jumpsuits. Very Fleabag!

Wynonna : I don't know what that is.

Naomi Hycha : Wait, hmm?

Jeremy : Why don't I just show her around, just, you know, take her on a tour.

Wynonna : A private tour.

Naomi Hycha : Uh, ohh… You be quick, you two. I'd love to get this crossed off my to-do by lunch.

Wynonna : Here's your surveillance rock back. I'm gonna need actual alone time with Agent Chetri.

 

Glory Hole

Amon : To our new partnership. Ravenia's lovely. Big fan, too. I could introduce you.

Doc : I am merely here to, uh, conduct business.

Amon : Mmm... You know… Everybody knows that you're Wynonna Earp's man. Or is Wynonna Earp your woman?

Doc : Wynonna is no one but her own. Besides, what is it to you?

Amon : Stand down, big boy. All it is to me is interesting. You are the Earps' most loyal protector, and yet the thing that more recently turned your body into a weapon, most able to protect them, you deny. Ravenia. Could you pour Mr. Holliday here a sip of our special blend? You know, we're demons, we all have problems. Now, you vampires are always so melodramatic that yours are special. You're safe here, Doc. To be who you really are.

Doc : There are worse people to work for than those who see others plainly.

Amon : Well, seeing that we're being honest, if you return empty-handed, Ravenia here will be pouring your juices out of that jug.

Doc : Well then, I shall try my darndest… not to disappoint you.

Amon : Oh, and please, do say hello to Wynonna. From the rest of us monsters.

 

Restaurant

Rachel : What do you have for me?

Billy : The holy grail. "Bunny Loblaw for PTA!"

Rachel : Billy, we said we don't dive for any more mugs. Nobody needs 'em.

Billy : You know what? You're right.

Rachel : Anything real from today's haul?

Billy : I don't know. Does a DVD copy of Bring It On count? I'm sexy! I'm cute! I found it in a boot!

Rachel : It does not. But too bad, 'cause I have the perfect trade. A real Billy-find. For when y'all kill squirrels at y'all ranch.

Billy : For the record, we only eat chipmunks. But this is cool. Thanks, Rachel.

Rachel : Well, as always, good haul. This has gone way better than when I was alone.

Billy : Same. Oh, and uh… I, um, thought that… this maybe might look cool on you.

Rachel : You thinking about how I look?

Billy : No. Yeah?

Rachel : Hubcap for the vest? I know you guys sell auto parts.

Billy : Uh, yeah.

 

Black Badge Divisionb

Jeremy : Everything is state of the art, as you can see, we have floors, windows, couches, bathrooms. Oh! And this is my favorite nook. Hey!

Wynonna : Whoa. You've definitely been body-snatched, 'cause you're going for a make-out sesh, but honestly, I'm so relieved to see you, I'm kinda down.

Jeremy : Still gay. It's just… The only place where they can't see us.

Wynonna : I knew Black Badge was still evil.

Jeremy : The old Black Badge, yes. Naomi and co.? Just people, scared and in over their heads. A lot of bad stuff came into Purgatory. They need you and your magic gun.

Wynonna : Okay, well, the thing about...

Jeremy : Uh, hey!

Naomi Hycha : Agent Arp?

Wynonna : No. Special Agent… Arp. Arp...

Naomi Hycha : Well, yay. And welcome back to BBD. Fish bump? Oh. Ouch.

 

Outside

Rachel : Well, enjoy the knife. Hope the chipmunks are real good. We eat vegan most meals, so… I'll come over to yours for rodent sometime?

Billy : A lot of Earps back home now, huh? Is that weird for you?

Rachel : Try insane. But I kinda love it. Never really had people before. But way to dodge me inviting myself over to your house.

Billy : Yeah. That's probably not a great idea. My place is sad.

Rachel : Dude. I lived years in a place where my toilet was also my kitchen.

Billy : It's just not really a friends-can-come-over type situation.

My mom is like a bonafide hoarder.

Rachel : I just… Sometimes, I feel like you're keeping me a secret.

Billy : Maybe someday, okay? If we can, like, find some foolproof reason. I'll see you later, mug lover.

Rachel : Yeah, that's what I love. Mugs.

 

Homestead

Nicole : And we're on the floor.

Waverly : Yeah, how did that happen?

Nicole : Oh, determination?

Waverly : There's a notebook stuck to my butt.

Nicole : Maybe don't give that one out.

Waverly : Should we talk finding Peacemaker? What we just did reminded me of how… good you are at finding things.

Nicole : Yeah. Peacemaker. Another thing I failed at for 18 months.

Waverly : Hey. Do I need to make a Powerpoint presentation about how amazing Nicole Haught is? I'd call it "Haught Topics".

Nicole : Why would I need that?

Waverly : Or… We could talk about another thing that… starts with "pro" and ends in "posal"? Even though the world was ending, I meant every word.

Rachel : That's a lot.

Nicole : Jesus, Rachel! Respect the privacy of...

Waverly : ... the kitchen.

Nicole : Right.

Rachel : Whatever. Do you think a junkyard would be a good place to look for a magic sword-gun?

Waverly : One man's trash is another Earp's treasure!

Nicole : Yeah. Where is this junkyard?

Rachel : Easier if I show you. But you're gonna need pants.

Waverly : Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Nicole : Oh, my God.

 

Black Badge Division

Jeremy : None of these compare to, say, an old western Buntline that can send revenants to hell, but...

Wynonna : Yeah, yeah, no, Peacemaker, she slaps for sure, but these weapons also slap. I should for sure take one.

Jeremy : One sec. First, you need to see my… masterpiece. I call it Antoni. Because if you want to turn something into guacamole, you bring Antoni.

Wynonna : Welcome to taco night.

Jeremy : Okay, whoa! Watch where you point that thing! Seriously, do not point that at anything unless you want it guac'd.

Wynonna : Though now I do want nachos. Is there a caf or...

 

Wynonna : So what's my first mish? Is this about finding and rescuing Robin? 'Cause I will, Jer.

Jeremy : It's about a problem we're having with things robbin' our supply trucks. Our biggest challenge is getting provisions into Purgatory without it getting hijacked, or worse.

Wynonna : Alright. So you need me to hunt down whatever's stealing freight and killing drivers. Got it.

Jeremy : I need you sitting. In the truck.

Wynonna : Driving? You don't ask Cate Blanchett to be a background extra, you make her Carol. Forget the cover, I'm a demon hunter, man. I am Carol.

Jeremy : And I'm a scientist with an empathetic crotch.

Wynonna : Yeah.

Jeremy : But BBD can't find out who we really are right now. They don't like supernatural things, Wynonna. Like us. We need to get Purgatory food. Medicine. Booze.

Wynonna : Always lead with booze. You know… Yesterday, the good citizens of my hometown tried to hang me for murder.

Jeremy : Well ya, they just need snacks, Wynonna. They're kinda hangry.

[En Cours]